Poppystripe of ThunderClan

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Poppystripe of ThunderClan

Post  Cinwan on Sat Jul 28, 2012 12:37 pm

Name: Poppystripe
Gender: Female
Rank(EX: Warrior, apprentice, etc.): Deputy
Age: 4 years
Physical Description(In writing or image form): A small white she-cat with a black tail. She also has blue eyes. She has a long scar on her belly. Poppystripe has a few black stripes on her back.
Personality: A loyal she-cat but is quite bossy and easily offended.
History*: Poppystripe was the only kit in her litter and her mother died of birth. Poppystripe and her father grew close, but they were quite different. Her father was very popular and known as one of the best trackers. When she grew up Poppystripe was known as one of the best fighters. She never had many friends and was always lonely. But as she grew up most cats started to like her.
Sample*: Poppystripe led the hunting patrol back to camp. Hunting was good. 2 mice, a shrew, and a squirrel. She saw Hawkstar and ran up to him. "Hawkstar, my hunting patrol scented a fox. Should we get a patrol to drive it out of our territory?" Poppystripe asked.


Last edited by Cinwan on Sun Jul 29, 2012 9:58 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Re: Poppystripe of ThunderClan

Post  Zaperex on Sat Jul 28, 2012 4:56 pm

Add a bit more to physical description, and perhaps increase the age by a year or two.. Plus, I don't really understand her history too much so let's get this straight: her mother died during kitting and she was the only kit in her litter to survive. So her father somehow came up with an idea she killed her own mother when she was being born. Oh, plus, she tried her best as an apprentice and was a great hunter.

So, increase her age, being 4 would probably be fine since Hawky has some more lives to spend :3, redo the history and please put way more detail into her description. "A white she-cat with a black tail"--> No period D: (lol XD), no eye colour, etc. Please refer to Goldenfire or Hawkstar's bios, they might give you a few ideas Very Happy.

Sorry if I'm being a bit strict on you, but she's a deputy and I also really think you can do better, Cin! Please fix. ^^

-Zap
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Re: Poppystripe of ThunderClan

Post  Zaperex on Sun Jul 29, 2012 9:53 pm

Okay, stuff's mainly fixed, add MORE to appearance though! Improve does not mean add eye color, the end, Cinny. Razz
Great improvements except for that part, one more edit and your good. Wink
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Re: Poppystripe of ThunderClan

Post  Zaperex on Sun Jul 29, 2012 9:58 pm

...Accepted.
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