Shatteredsoul of Thunder Clan

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Shatteredsoul of Thunder Clan

Post  Shellystream on Wed Jul 25, 2012 9:07 pm

Name: Shatteredsoul
Gender: She-cat
Rank(EX: Warrior, apprentice, etc.): Medicine cat
Age: 21 moons
Physical Description(In writing or image form):[Only admins are allowed to see this image]
Personality: Kind, fierce, loyal, shy
History*: Shatteredsoul was abandoned, she knows nothing of her past. When she was around the age of 4 moons old, she wandered into Thunder Clan's camp. They took her in, and Shatteredsoul took a great interest of herbs and started to train as a medicine cat.
RPG Sample*: Shatteredsoul opened her eyes and yawned. She got out a stretched. Shatteredsoul padded sleepily to the herbs stores. Not much mallow left at all Shatteredsoul thought. She padded out of the medicine cats den and headed out to the forest.
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Re: Shatteredsoul of Thunder Clan

Post  Cinwan on Thu Jul 26, 2012 3:47 pm

...Shellystream, there`s already a medicine cat. Were planing for Ivykit to be the medicine cat apprentice. Sorry. Maybe you could ,make Shatteredsoul a warrior?
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Re: Shatteredsoul of Thunder Clan

Post  Shellystream on Thu Jul 26, 2012 5:03 pm

Oh..OK. Can I make her a queen then?
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Re: Shatteredsoul of Thunder Clan

Post  Cinwan on Thu Jul 26, 2012 5:21 pm

Uh... I guess so. I'm just suggesting that Shatteredsoul might wanna be a warrior since we already have a medicine cat already. It's all up to Zaperex.
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Re: Shatteredsoul of Thunder Clan

Post  Shellystream on Thu Jul 26, 2012 5:23 pm

OK
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Re: Shatteredsoul of Thunder Clan

Post  Zaperex on Thu Jul 26, 2012 9:01 pm

1.Not bad, but I think you should do a change in name-there appears to be no reason for it (she isn't depressed, isn't exiled, etc.) neither does it seem canon in anyway-nobody in the books have ever used the word soul, not even in conversation, much less names. I understand the need to make unique characters, but I don't think it would be an appropriate name. Suggestions: Frostwing, Mistpelt

2.Another issue is the personality has a lack of depth, you've named three positive character traits and one which is neutral. Every cat has his/her flaws, and they need to be present (Ex: Obsessed with grooming, sloppy, forgetful, cowardly, mildly selfish (or a lot, if you want) etc.). You also need this more described to make her unique-does she have any quirks? For example, she may have an aversion towards eating rabbits.

3.Yes, Raintail is already our medicine cat-you could switch her to one of the other clans (probably Riverclan since I haven't finished making the rest) or switch her to queen, which in that case, you'll have to get a mate, or have her mate dead, we can talk about kits later.

4.You have an alright RP sample but remembered to look over your work for typos (ex: " She got out a stretched.").

So please edit your post, but still, good job! (Very Happy) I'm very excited to have another person to RP with, you'll be ready to go after fixing these errors, reply soon! ^^

-Zap
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